I can’t very well say that I have a good or bad history with writing. I tend towards seeing it the same as any other work; just do it so you can put it behind you. There was no real apprehension for me coming in to this course, I’ve taken a college level English course before, I’m actually rather pleased that this didn’t turn out to be a normal English class, but rather something more akin to technical writing, a class I actually did enjoy quite a bit.
The biggest problem I have with writing is twofold. First is writer’s block, and how naturally that comes to me. I’d like to think that I’d be a pretty good writer if the ideas in my head would actually flow down my arm into the paper like I’d like them to. All to often I see myself staring at a blank screen or piece of paper, rejecting all the ideas I manage to come up with because they aren’t worthy to write about. The Second problem is probably one tied to vanity. My favorite authors are Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchet and similar. Everything I write I secretly wish had the same clever humor and imagery that these writers have. Granted, it’s rather silly of me to expect to be able to write on par with blockbusting authors, but it’s the style that I want to mimic most. I want to be able to look at my work and be convinced that the person reading it will be entertained, even if it is a strictly informative piece.
Often I feel the drive to write, the need to express my worldview or just share some commentary. I’ve even attempted blogging to some degree but the challenge of writing itself often throws me off track. Even now I must admit that this paper has been pretty easy to come up with ideas for, however nice my ideas are, I oven feel disappointed in my ability to convey the message in the manner I intended. I think the last paper I wrote was back for the Freshmen English class at the University of Wisconsin. We were allowed to choose our own topic, and as is probably not a surprise, I actually wrote about Video games. 10 pages long, and for once I did everything by the book, no procrastination, no slacking, hours and hours of work poured into it and the best I could manage was a B.
I now think, and this has just occurred to me while writing this, is that I spend too much effort imitating my favorite authors, and I don’t have quite the right grasp of putting words to paper. It’s somewhat analogous to copying a famous painting, sure it will look like the original when you are done, but your colors and brush technique are different from the original, making it something different altogether, and not quite right. This however, might be stretching my analogy a little too far.
It may appear that I’m being self-deprecating; this is not my intent. I would love nothing more to have confidence in my writing. Currently I feel my abilities are just ‘not quite good enough’ and that’s what I feel is the most annoying place to be.